But i have someone who will be there for me, regardless.
Sitting on my bed soaking wet and i don’t even want to move. Reality hits so hard sometimes, and it’s really the worst. Being sick (or whatever the fuck) just escalates all of my negative emotions. I don’t need anymore setbacks but I can’t seem to get past them really. I like living in my own little world, but life just came crashing in once again, this time with barely a distraction to push me through like before. I’d do anything to be away from this place once more but like always, that doesn’t seem to be a possibility. I miss Chicago, I miss Meghan, I miss Ian, but i don’t have the priviledge of recieving that comfort anytime soon. It’s so difficult emotionally for me to distance myself from those who love me, but it’s also so easy to when I need to feel, and not put it aside. Everything i just typed got deleted, wow, awesome. I hate myself when i’m like this. Negativity makes the worst of me, but my thought process is always evolving. I love being the person nobody gets but everyone tries to understand. I wish I could understand, and even cope with situations the same way I used to. I’m not bubbly or enthusiastic. I’m sarcastic and bitter for what’s been done to me in the past. I always try to forget the past, but the past made me who I am today. I can’t forget. I want to, I’ve tried to, but it’s made me a stronger person. I don’t feel strong now though. Weak. Great, another day. What’s life gonna decide for me now, I’m in no position to make any decisions for myself.
“I just want to wake up to a message from you. To know how you’re doing, for you to tell me you love me. It’s the only thing that will make me feel better, this distance is killing me.”